


A Date Won't Kill You

by Madame_P



Series: Tom/Tord Scraps [2]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: (Deep inhale) okay so this WAS scrapped, M/M, Multichapter, Tags to be added, but its three am so let fucking do this again., edd totally but not totally kidnaps his friends to try and get some damn peace in this house, fight me helen tord's a fucking gremlin, im picking it the fuck back up oct 1 2017, obligatory fair date, small tord, tall tom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-10-10 02:08:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10426824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madame_P/pseuds/Madame_P
Summary: unless your date is actively trying to kill you- in that case, good fuckin luck6/16/2017: yeah sorry babes, this ain't happening10/01/2017: NEVER THE FUCK MIND IT ISN'T.





	1. A Break in Routine

Tom had a certain.. Rhythm, to how he lived his life. Each day beat out the same rhythm to different tunes, becoming nothing more than background noise but too familar to cast out. It was as steady as his heartbeat- yet far lighter than that concrete block of emotions he drowned so often in alcohol. He barely noticed it most of the time.  
  
The rhythm went something like this: Smirnoff, whatever weird shit Edd dragged him into, play Susan, more Smirnoff, fix Susan, more weird shit. Rinse and repeat. He'd be content to live the rest of his life like this- routine was his comfort- until a lovely little red wrench threw itself into his plans.  
  
The drunk had violently protested against letting him back in after eight years of silence, citing every wrong and argument and "moments-he's-pissed-me-off" in his own defense. Edd had, as Tord's oldest friend, let him back in with nothing more than a "Tom, you're being unreasonable!" and a pat on both their backs.  
  
Damn prick.  
  
On the plus side, his rhythm looked a little more like this now: Smirnoff, weird shit, fight with Tord, fuck Tord, a helluva lot more Smirnoff, hide the marks from Edd, Susan, fuck Tord, fuck Tord, _fuck Tord._ He'd always had this weird love/hate relationship with the commie, even before he left. Four years of it, to be exact. Four years of quiet murmurs of adoration followed by screaming insults, soft kisses met with hard punches, hickeys and bruises alike covered with one too many layers of clothing for casual indoor wear.  
  
Then Tord- that selfish, secretive bastard- leaves, stealing away with Tom's heart into complete obscurity. They didn't hear even a single word from Tord over the eight god damn years he'd been gone. Eight years of missing and lusting and forgetting goes by, and then all of a sudden he's thrust back into their old routine without any warning. Hate, love, fuck, fight, hide.  
  
He hated the hiding. He hated having to cover up the marks, sneak kisses behind Edd's back, hold him for an hour in silence before they were both skittering back to their rooms like any longer and they'd combust. At least they hid it well. Not a single word from neither Matt nor Edd over the entire time hiding their "relationship"- if you could even call it that.  
  
So imagine Tom's surprise when Edd approached him one day and asked about his and Tord's anniversary.  
  
"It's gotta be soon, right?" Edd trilled, leaning over the back of the couch where the drunk was sitting- while Tom looked like he was trying his hardest to physically implode. How the hell did he know? Where the hell did he find out? How in the-  
  
"You two have known each other for decades, almost! You've gotta celebrate the day you two met!"  
  
_Oh_.  
  
Dear lord, Tom had been on the brink of death before..  
  
"An' why in th' hell would I care?" Tom growled into his third (fourth? He couldn't even tell) bottle of Smirnoff that day. All that prompted from Edd was a small chuckle and a knowing smile, the green-clad bastard taking a seat next to Tom. "I hate the damn guy."  
  
"Well, yeah, buuuuuuuuut," he smiled, taking a sip of his cola, "anniversaries are important! I can't even remember how long I've known you guys, but I still want us to celebrate being friends for so long! C'mon, so when is your guy's anniversary?"  
  
"Could you please stop calling it a fucking anniversary?"  
  
"Fine. A meet-iversary."  
  
Maybe it was an optimist thing. "Meet-iversaries", how stupid.

"I'm not celebrating _anything_ that has to do with that damn commie." Tom downed half of the remaining bottle of Smirnoff- which really wasn't much anyway- as he made to leave, stopped by a hand on his sleeve and a disapproving stare. Jeez, Edd could kill a man with those eyes..

Well, he technically actually could. The leftover radiation in his system left him with lazer eyes, super strength, and floating- not flying, just floating. Even with Tom's shifter abilities (thanks Tord, for tampering with his DNA), making Edd mad was a near death sentence. If Edd didn't kill you, the guilt certainly would.

The shorter man speaking pulled Tom out of his thoughts a little too late. "..Tired of you two fighting- You need to get out more! Make up with him," Edd seemed to be saying, making Tom feign an eye roll. "I'm serious, Tom. You can't hold a grudge forever."

"Watch me."

"Tom-"

"Edd," he huffed, pulling away from his grip, "I'm serious. Stop trying to get us to get along."

The two had a standoff, glaring daggers at each other; Just as Tom was about to cave, Edd sighed. "Alright, alright. I guess I just can't change people."

Tom had to smile. " _Thank_ you, maybe now I can hate-binge Professor Why in peace-"

 _Up he goes_. Damn it, Edd could at least warn a guy when he picked him up.

"Nope! I can't change people, but I can change their locations!" He trilled, carrying the violently protesting drunk out to the car. Matt had barely peeked in from the kitchen upon hearing Tom's colorful brand of annoyance before the bastard in green was calling to have him grab Tord too. Can't a vampire make cookies for his friends in peace?

Smirnoff, weird shit, and now- date Tord. Thanks, Edd.


	2. IMPORTANT INFO- GETTING SCRAPPED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I can't write.

Hey, so I know nothing's more disappointing than an author update in the place of an actual update, but this is getting scrapped- it's right there in the title. I'm new to the whole writing scene and I really feel like I could benefit from a beta reader/editor, which is someone I don't currently have. That being said, there is the chance this could get rewritten and run through a few friends of mine before re-uploading! That's the plan for it, anyway. To answer any questions...

  * Why is this getting scrapped?



I fucking hate it. The writing, the idea, the time stamp, the everything. Let me walk before running.

  * When will this come back?



Hopefully something new will happen over the weekend, but I can't guarantee it'll be for this.

  * Where the hell have you been?



School. And working. And working at school.

And writer's block.

  * Where else can we find you if you die again?



My Wattpad! (it's got nothing on it, I use it for messaging @JustASmolPenguin).

  * What do you have planned for the future?



Chapter two of this (once I rewrite it), requests, a couple aus I've been meaning to get into. This is my hobby, not my job.

  * Do you miss us?



Absolutely! That's why I'm updating now instead of abandoning this completely. 

Don't worry guys, I'm not dead anymore. If any of you were curious as to where this was going, the whole date-at-the-fair was supposed to get in some bonding between these two and give Edd and Matt some reprieve in the form of Tom and Tord fighting, fake-dating, fucking, and then eventually actually dating.

Original, I know.

That's all I've got for now, folks. Write later.

 


	3. actually important- I'm back ya lil shits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh, hey. guess who's back (back, back).  
> Back again.

As of October 1st, 2017, at four in the morning, I've actually decided to pick this back up.

who could've guessed. Also yeESH FOUR MONTHS OF DEATH, GREAT JOB P WOOOOOO

 

 

okay so uh timelines are unclear but once chapter two (which no the plot has not changed in plan over the course of four months... Much) goes up both this chapter and the previous one will be deleted bc like. Theyre both horseshit, so

 

also!! this is not just a useless block of text, I've got a small excerpt from chapt. 2 to make this blurb a little less meaningless until I finish writing (which its four am. im either gonna take an hour to write both planned chapters or three months to write three words.) So uh, behold?

" _Getting Tord into the car was easier than expected. Edd kept Tom in a vice-like grip while Matt carried Tord underarm like a log and, with minimal cussing and bruising, were off to the fair as soon as they were all buckled with Edd at the wheel. That didn't stop either of the two more hot-headed roomies from trying to almost kill each other during the drive, but hey. Beggars can't be choosers._  
  
_"I swear to god, if you guys don't stop I will DRIVE US INTO THE FUCKING THAMES."_  
  
_Or maybe they could."_

 

(shrugging????) I know this doesn't make up for literally being dead for the past four months but I am HERE, I'm DEAD, I'm READY 2 CREATE, im also tired please help me

 

 

uhhh??? Yeah. See you soon.


End file.
